Questions On Childrens Challenging Behaviour
STOP?
Are you asking the right questions about Children’s challenging behaviour?
Help, can you stop my child from screaming?
I want to know how to stop the little boy I look after from hitting the other children?
Can you tell how to stop one of the children in my room from disrupting everything all the time?
If I had a euro for every time I was asked to STOP a child from doing something undesirable I would be a wealthy woman. It is understandable that parents and professionals involved with children sometimes reach the end of their endurance and just want the negative behaviour to stop.
The traditional approach to challenging behaviour focussed quite heavily on stopping, or as it was called ‘eradicating’, specific behaviour. The behavioural approach uses a system of analysis which explores every aspect of the behaviour and the responses of others to the behaviour. The intervention then seeks to alter those responses in order to bring about positive change in that specific behaviour. This can work with some children, especially if poor structure or inadequate boundaries are major contributory factors. There is a risk that children whose behaviour is an expression of distress may not be heard or understood. It is not always possible, or even always necessary to determine the precise cause of a child’s challenging behaviour, but it is important to at least ask the right questions before helping him to change.
As part of commencing any intervention with the child who is perceived as being a challenge, I explore what it is going to take (from myself and the other adults in the child’s life) to dissolve the blocks to meaningful participation in relationships and in activities. Most children who communicate via challenging behaviour have problems with relating, and/ or participating in meaningful functional ways. The process of identifying those blocks takes place by asking the parents lots of questions, and spending time with the child before forming a view. Sometimes the blocks are obvious and sometimes they can only be discovered by inviting the child to participate, and then dealing with the blocks as they arise. Once a pattern of behaviour has been engaged in over a period of time it becomes part of the child’s standard mode of operating in the world - a default mode if you like. Any stresses or frustrations can trigger the behaviour.
It is possible to enable the child to switch from his current mode of behaviour to a new one. Basically one attempts to meet the child’s needs whilst teaching new and more appropriate behaviour. This can be done by rewarding appropriate behaviour and punishing harmful behaviour (which is indeed a very common approach, or by being extremely specific and precise about what you want to teach and how you initiate the learning of the new way of being and operating in the world. Because people are not robots we have attitudes, fears, hopes expectations and deep emotional needs. If our attempts to enable a child to learn positive behaviour are largely focussed on their negative behaviour to the detriment of their emotional needs and human rights then our success will be rather limited.
Real Life Example
Jeanna was a six year old who was referred to a behavioural therapist to change her physical and verbal aggression towards her family. She also suffered from a school phobia and panic attacks. The therapist recommended a variety of responses based on positive and negative consequences for good and bad behaviour respectively. Jeanna had a history of having been bullied and sexually abused. Although this information was available to the therapist it did not have any bearing on his recommendations. Her mother followed the advice for several months. The behaviour became increasingly worse and Jeanna also became extremely withdrawn. When her mother combined the use of Gentle Teaching with a referral to a skilled psychotherapist Jeanna’s emotional state improved to the extent that she settled happily in school and made new friends. Over time her behaviour became gentle and loving.
Gentle Teaching
Gentle Teaching is an approach to enabling children to relate and participate without reliance on harmful behaviour. When considering a child’s behaviour it is important to realise that although the behaviour seems harmful to us it does serve a function for the child and s/he will only adopt healthy behaviour when
a) his fundamental human needs are fully met
b) he has developed the necessary emotional and social skills required for healthy behaviour
c) the adults around him make adjustments to allow for those aspects of his behaviour which are beyond the child’s control or potential control
Gentle Teaching sees the following values as being fundamental to human fulfilment and approaches the child and his behaviour with these values in mind.
Shared Valuing
To be loved and appreciated for who we are regardless of our abilities or our behaviour.
Shared Participation
To enjoy taking part in a range of meaningful activities with other people in ways that provide maximum opportunity to learn without fear of failure.
Respect
To know that people deserve not to be hurt or humiliated. People deserve to be recognised and treated at all times as worthwhile human beings.
Equity
No one deserves to dominate or be dominated by another person regardless of the age or ability of either person.
Mutual Change
To feel that others are willing to change for us and with us rather than trying to label us or fix us as if everything is our fault.
Gentle Teaching asks very specific practical questions as part of the intervention process. These can include questions like:
What is the best way to make a distrustful child feel safe and be safe?
What is stopping this little boy finishing anything?
How can we break down this activity to make it more likely she can join in?
What tone of voice, facial expressions, and gestures would be least likely to threaten this child who is described as autistic?
Could I rearrange the materials to minimise distraction and disruption?
Real Life Example
Dominick was a five year old boy described as severely autistic. He frequently caused extreme harm to himself by hitting and biting himself. He did not like to be touched, avoided eye contact and did not play in any recognisable way, preferring to drift around the house and garden without engaging meaningfully with anyone or anything. When prompted to join in any activity he immediately injured himself until he was left alone. Traditional intervention was abandoned because it resulted in increased self-injury which made it too risky to persevere with that approach long term. Then the Gentle Teaching therapist asked the question ‘What is stopping Dominick from joining in?’ He discovered that the child couldn’t bear to be restricted. The activity was broken down into small steps and Dominick was encouraged to run around, if he wanted to do so, between each step. Dominick completed the activity first time and rapidly went on to learn a variety of new skills. He also learned to trust that others were prepared to reach out to him, to recognise his fears and to provide him with a learning experience that really felt safe to him. His self-injury decreased to a very low level, eye contact improved and he learned to enjoy brief moments of affection with others.
When we ask the right questions it makes it possible to initiate a gentle process of continuous minute changes which do not automatically threaten the child and trigger the harmful behaviour. The level of emotional security and the use of praise and unconditional human regard is such that the child learns almost without realising it. Most importantly his relationships are based on mutual respect, mutual change and equity are therefore strong and supportive.
The questions we can ask when reaching out to children with challenging behaviour are potentially endless. The focus of our intention should not be eradicating the negative but should instead always be on discovering the blocks and finding the key to meaningful positive change.
Although parents and carers may be impatient to address the harmful behaviour very directly, it can be very powerful to simply apply our attention and intention to the values that are operating in the child’s life. When the child senses that we are really serious about reaching out to him on the level of fundamental values he will open up to the possibility of learning with us. We all learn best from those we trust to respect us and keep us emotionally safe. Once we have established a rapport based on values we have then earned the right to teach.
Siobhan O’Rourke Challenging Behaviour Therapist
Siobhan offers coaching to families and staff teams.
You can see and meet Siobhan in Swords North Co. Dublin on 22nd June
Contact 086 2022521 or see below for further details.
Written by
Siobhan O'Rourke
www.positivechange.ie
Ireland's leading Early Years education Magazine
