Attention Seeking Behaviour
Attention-Seeking Behaviour, by Dr Richard C Woolfson
Every child that you mind needs attention no matter what age he is – this is a normal part of development. If you are a childminder for a young baby, he relies totally on you to meet his basic needs. Without your attention, for instance, he can’t satisfy his hunger or thirst, he can’t keep warm during the cold winter days, and he can’t keep himself clean. Caring adult attention is essential for his physical survival.
But attention also meets his psychological needs. For instance, a baby who spends time in your care needs you to amuse and stimulate him; if you don’t do this, he eventually becomes lethargic and apathetic. He needs you to cheer him up when he feels miserable; if you don’t, his bad moods increase. And of course he needs you to give him lots of affection; if you don’t, he feels anxious and insecure. So every baby you mind needs your attention – it’s not a luxury for him, it’s a necessity.
As a child grows older, he usually gains control over this emotional need and becomes less demanding. Yet some children’s desire for attention appears to actually increase. They become so attention-seeking that they are disruptive. Here are some ways attention-seeking behaviour can show:
- complaints. A two-year-old you mind insists that you spend time only with him, not with any of the other children you mind. When he thinks that he does not get not enough attention, he starts to whine. He may even have a tantrum in order to get you to notice him.
- pushing. A three-year-old you mind pushes on to your knee whenever you read a story to the children. The others you mind are content to sit and listen while facing you, but he somehow ends up right on your lap.
- interrupting. A four-year-old you mind constantly interrupts your conversations, whether you chat to a visitor, or to someone on the telephone. He makes a loud noise, or calls you to look at something, or starts bickering with another child to get your attention.
- showing off. A five-year-old you mind after school insists on demonstrating every new concept he has learned in school that day. All the other children are expected to take a back seat the moment he arrives while he shows off his newly-learned skills to you.
Don’t worry if any one of the children is an attention-seeker – this sort of behaviour is common during the pre-school years, and it certainly doesn’t mean he lacks attention at home or that he feels insecure with you. Look on it simply as a phase of development that you have to manage.
Understanding The Attention-Seeking Child
The first step to take when trying to deal with the demands of an attention-seeking child – whether he shows off the moment he sets foot inside your house, or misbehaves whenever he sees you talk to someone else – is to understand the underlying psychological process. And to do that properly you need to understand some elementary principles of learning, because there is an element of learning involved in the child’s behaviour.
When a child is born there certain actions he does automatically, by reflex. For example, a baby cries for his very first feed, even though he has no idea that crying will result in food coming to him. An infant will grasp a finger placed into his hands. A toddler who falls over automatically puts his hands out to protect himself from the fall. These acts of behaviour occur instinctively without the child having to think about them.
Yet most things that children do have to be learned. A baby learns that the sight of a bottle coming towards him means that he is about to be fed. A young child learns to tidy his toys away because his parents show they are pleased, and the child likes this. He also learns not to touch fragile ornaments in the house, because that behaviour incurs a reprimand and he does not like this.
Children differ at the rate they learn how to behave, but the underlying principles of learning are always the same:
- if something a child you mind regards as positive immediately follows one of his actions, there is a high probability that he will repeat that same action in the future. For example, if he bursts into song and is then rewarded with applause from you and his peers, he’ll probably do the same again the next day.
- if something that a child you mind regards as negative immediately follows one of his actions, then there is a lower probability that he will repeat that same action in the future. For instance, if you angrily reprimand him for constantly interrupting your telephone conversation with your friend, he will think twice before interrupting you the next time
However, there is a third principle of learning in children which makes your task as a childminder more demanding – a child may like something even though you don’t. For example, many babies and pre-schoolers would rather have any form of adult attention in preference to being ignored. So although you might think that your disapproval of a child for hitting someone else would discourage this behaviour, your reprimand may be attractive from his point of view. He might prefer to have your negative attention than to have no attention at all.
That’s why you may find that the more you become annoyed with a two-year-old for his tantrums, the more frequent his tantrums become. He wants to be the centre of attention and he quickly learns that screaming the place down is a very effective way to achieve this goal.
What To Do
Here are practical suggestions for dealing effectively with an attention-seeking child you mind, no matter how he tries to get more than his fair share of your attention:
- give him positive attention at varying times. If you only give him negative attention when he is naughty or when he shows off, then he will quickly learn to behave like that every time he wants attention. So give him positive attention when he is not expecting it. For instance, play with the child when he is settled and contented, and praise him when he is well-behaved. This takes away the need for him to misbehave in order to get attention.
- try to ignore his attention-seeking behaviour, if possible. Ignoring a child when he misbehaves or has a tantrum can be a very effective way of discouraging this behaviour, but it can be difficult to carry out. Requiring your strong resolve, however, a solid refusal to respond to his attention-seeking behaviour can discourage it. You’ll find that his misbehaviour decreases when it doesn’t get the response he expects.
- provide plenty of opportunities for attention. He’ll love it when you ask him to sing the latest song that he has learned in nursery or to show you how good he is at throwing and catching a ball. By making planned opportunities for him to demonstrate his talents to you, he has plenty of chances to get attention without misbehaving – he knows you will eventually make time for him to be the centre of attention:
- discuss these strategies with the child’s parents. Almost certainly, he is as attention-seeking at home with them as he is with you. And almost certainly, his parents struggle to reduce this behaviour too. Both you and they are more likely to achieve success, however, when you work together to encourage appropriate behaviour. Explain your aims and suggest they try using the same strategies at home.
Written by
Dr Richard Woolfson
www.richardwoolfson.co.uk
Ireland's leading Early Years education Magazine
