Coping With Challenging Behaviour
Young children go through many stages of development. With these stages comes a desire for more independence and a testing of boundaries. Children need to explore and discover the world around them. This can be a particularly stressful time for carers and parents. Common behavioural difficulties include kicking and screaming, tantrums, biting, attention seeking, refusing to do things like eat, hold hands etc.
Setting boundaries is particularly important. If the carer is unclear about what a child should be allowed to do and not do then it is likely the child will pick up mixed messages. Young children like to know what they should be doing, they like to please adults and get positive feedback. There is a comfort in knowing what is acceptable and what is not. With boundaries comes the need for consistency. If jumping on the chairs is acceptable on one day and then not the next the child will kick up a fuss. Child psychologists believe that being consistent is one of the keys to successful parenting and caring for young children.
An example might be something like holding hands. If a young child is being taken out on a walk to the park and they always have to hold the hand of the carer there is little debate, this becomes a habit. Then the child suddenly kicks up a fuss because they want independence, the carer must step in quickly and say in a firm voice ‘we always hold hands’ and not accept any other behaviour. The habit is then reinforced and consistency pays off. It is when the carer is not clear about what is allowed and lets the child get away without holding hands sometimes that the trouble starts. So it is important to know what the desirable behaviour is and stick to it.
Setting expectations in the crèche or childcare setting is very important. Routine means that children know what to expect and are more likely to fit in to the day’s activities without a fuss. But what happens when one or two children don’t fit in and behave badly? There are many reasons why young children act up. They could be going through something difficult at home, they might be finding it hard to settle, they might be bored or they could be copying other children’s behaviour. The first step is to try and get to the bottom of why they are acting up.
It is important to talk to the child in terms they can understand. Play therapists use dolls and puppets to help the child open up. They let the child take the lead and the child will frequently identify issues for themselves. ‘Is teddy happy or sad today’ If they say sad the therapist asks ‘why is teddy sad’ and lets the child open up asking questions without making any judgements.
When a child who is going through a difficult time is given this kind of attention and space for themselves, even if it is only for a short time each day, they frequently show signs of improvement within a short space of time. Rather than becoming the ‘bold child’ and being told off for bad behaviour throughout the day they have positive interaction and acceptance, which they thrive on.
If we dwell on the bad behaviour young children feel they are bad and get used to getting attention for being bad. They want attention and do not distinguish between attention for good behaviour and bad behaviour. This becomes a vicious circle. If the carer can give attention for good behaviour they can reverse the pattern. The trick is to look for good behaviour all the time and smile at the child and comment on how good they are, spending time with them when they are good. When the child does something undesired the carer turns away and ignores the behaviour as much as possible.
An example might be of a young child who has got into the habit of hitting other children. When she hits another child she should be removed from the situation instantly and then the carer should turn away as if not interested. When she does something good, for example colouring, or laughing, or hugging another child, the carer can focus positive attention on her, smiling and saying how good that behaviour was. We tend to focus on the negative rather than the positive without realising it. By reversing this we can have dramatic results with young children.
The College of Progressive Education formerly known as the School of Practical Childcare runs courses on Positive Behaviour Management 0-7 years which involve providing strategies for dealing with difficult behaviour in a positive way
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Ireland's leading Early Years education Magazine
